New Year Resolutions

1) Never to speak to Daniel again - EVER!
2) Ask Tyrone Pearman to go out with me. Ha! That'll show Daniel.
3) Take a break from washing up - I mean really, my nails are all split and broken. They look like I've been trying to claw my way out of a box. And I'm sure my dad's earning enough to buy a dishwasher.
4) Be nice. I know I'm nice most of the time, but sometimes I can get a bit snappy - only at certain times, mind - if you catch my drift. So I'm going to make a really effort to be nice to everyone all the time. Except Daniel, of course - and my cousin Justine - and her grub of a brother, Holden. Oh, and Mrs Blobby at school. But, apart from that, I'm going to really nice to everybody.

Aaaaaagh! Gran has only gone and volunteered me to wash up after dinner. Talk about a clash of interests. If I'm nice to her and do it, I'll be breaking Resolution number 3, but if I stick with that, I'll be breaking number 4. What a dilemma - and it's only January 2nd!

Phew - crisis over. I told Gran I had to finish my homework before school goes back tomorrow. Now, where's my `Excuses Journal'? I need to find one for my Maths investigation that will cover me for the whole two weeks... sprained wrist?..... septic thumb nail so I couldn't hold a pen?..... food poisoning from a dodgy nut roast? Let me see - food poisoning was last used in October for Science. Yay - that's the one! So, no washing up, no homework and I didn't upset Gran so I'm still a nice person.

Am I a genius, or what?

Mistletoe misery

This Christmas was the worst one EVER!

I went over to Daniel's on Christmas morning to give him his present and found that my evil cousin Justine had beaten me to it and was only KISSING HIM UNDER THE MISTLETOE!

Can you believe it!

I phoned Arlette but she was all: `Let him who is without sin cast the first stone, Madge.'
`Yeah, great help, Arl - going all God-Squad on me. Christmas is hardly the time to be catching your family's relgious bug.'
`I'm not going religious on you, it's just that I seem to remember you kissing Chad Albright when you were supposed to be Daniel's girlfriend.'
Religious freak and amazing memory woman! So not the sort of friend I need in a crisis.
`Aaa-aarl!' I yelled in indignation. `That was different - a) Chad Albright and I didn't have a history b) he wasn't Daniel's cousin and c) it was for charity!'

The cheek of Arlette! In terms of mistletoe snogfest, I am a totally sin free zone so I have every right to throw stones, hurl boulders in fact breathe fire and brimstone if I want to. In stead I just cried. I shut myself in my room all day and wouldn't even let Belinda bring me up some nut roast.

Of course my treacherous (ex) boyfriend tried to deny it. `It was nothing,' he shouted through my French window. `I put the mistletoe up there for you, Magenta. Justine just jumped me. Please speak to me - I love you.'

Justine didn't even say sorry. She just shrugged and said, `Nobody forced Daniel to kiss me. OK, so I might have taken the initiative but, hey - he didn't have to respond.'

Ggggrrr! I hate them both. And Justine's family are staying right through to New Year! This is even worse than the year I got chickenpox and was sick all Christmas Day.

P.S.

Except my boyfriend!

Daniel and Justine only went ice skating together and left me at home helping Gran, Belinda and Auntie Heather to peel sprouts and make stuffing.

Can you believe it? I am sooooooooooo angry with him I don't want to speak to him and if he thinks I'm going to make a drawing for him for his present, then he can think again!

What a horrible Christmas I'm going to have - and it's all thanks to Daniel!

Stuffed like a Christmas Turkey

Oh my God! I can't believe that Daniel can be so insensitive.

My cousins from hell have descended on us for the "festive" season. Festive? Ha! There'll be about as much festivity in our house as there would be in the fattening-up shed of a turkey farm with Auntie Heather around. Even on a good day, she looks like she's been sucking lemons and she never has good days when I'm within screaming range. She hates me. Mind you, the feeling it totally mutual.

So anyway, the Addams Family arrived in their four wheel drive gas guzzler - talk about the circus coming to town! And, even though Daniel and I had arranged to go ice skating today on the rink next to the massive Christmas tree in the middle of town, Daniel's only gone and invited my freak-face cousin Justine along too.

I mean, it would be bad enough if it was just your normal insensitivity about inviting a gooseberry to a romantic couples' thing, but add to that the whole history of Daniel and Justine and he might as well have poked me in the eye with a red hot poker and stuck a thousand pins in me.

`What?' he said, like he was appealing to the ref. `I just thought it would be a nice gesture. Peace on Earth and good will to all men and everything.'
`And what about good will to all girlfriends?' I countered.
`I show you good will the whole of the rest of the year. Justine's miles from home and doesn't know anyone round here. I just thought it would be nice.'
Ah ha! So he wanted to be nice to her did he? I knew there was more to this than meets the eye.
`Are you interested in her again?' I challenged.
`Oh jeeeeeeez!' He thumped his wall. `What is it with you?'
`Ok, ok - so you're not interested in Justine...'
`You know what, Magenta? I've had enough of this stupid jealousy thing you've got going on with your cousin. Let's leave the ice skating. I need some space.'
Jealous? Me? How could he even think such a thing? I mean what on earth has Justine got that I could possibly be jealous of?

School's out for Crimbo!

Yay! We broke up at lunchtime.

On the way home, I said to Daniel, `Just think - two whole weeks without the great pink blob stalking me all round the quad trying to catch me out; two whole weeks without the stress of having to think up excuses for not doing my homework; two whole weeks without the threat of detention being held over me; two whole....'

And then he went and spoilt it all. `Well, we do still have to revise for the exams in January.' What is it with Daniel and the whole doom and gloom thing? `And we will still have to go to Mr Dumbarton.' Aka The Dung Beetle - a private tutor who's so old I think kids still used chalk and slates when he started teaching. `And there's that maths investigation...'

`Ok, Ok, Daniel McScrooge!' Honestly! Talk about let's-kill-any-last-remnants-of-festive-spirit.

`Bah humbug!' he laughed. He pulled out a disgusting brown and black striped sweet and pushed it into my mouth. `Happy holidays.' Then he kissed me - with a mouthful of humbug and everything.

But, I have to admit, it was gorgeous, so I'll let him off and kissed him back. Oooooo! This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

Christmas Party Blooper

Last night was the school Christmas party and it was reeeeeeeeaaally nice to be escorted there by my boyfriend!!!! Oooo how sophisticated does that sound?

Instead of being lined up with the usual cattle market hopefuls eyeing up the (dubious) talent, I walked in on the arm of Daniel - well, not really on the arm - that wouldn't just be mature, that would be geriatric. I mean, it's one thing to link arms with your girlfriends, but not your bloke. Right?

So, anyway, the first slight problem was Janet Dinbner, snotting for Britain in the corner, surrounded by Arl and Seema and few other tissue-carriers.
Seema was all: `Madge! What did you tell Janet to do that for?'
Huh? I hadn't spoken to her (well not really) since she phoned me at the weekend to ask what to do about her cheating boyfriend. `Why is it always my fault?' I protested.
`Because you told her to impersonate a doormat and do whatever it took to keep her man!' And her point? `Now he's dumped her for being pathetically needy!'
`Er - correct me if I'm wrong here, but hasn't Janet been needy since Year 7? I mean, come on, I'm only as good as the material I have to work with. Anyway, she's better off without him.'
`Of course she is, but how much better would she feel if she'd been the dumper, and not the dumpee?'
Good point - I hadn't really seen it that way.

Anyway, I left them to their mopping up operations and went off to dance with Daniel. Oooooo, he is soooooo gorgeous when he dances. But then - disaster! As I'd been getting ready, I'd been a bit too enthusiastic with my tights and pushed my toe right through then end, so I'd had to wear a pair of hold-ups. (You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?)
There I was, getting all up close and personal with Daniel when there was a distinct slackening sensation round the top of my right leg. Uh oh! My hold-ups had decided not to hold up any longer.
I slid my hand down onto my thigh, like one of those cool R&B dancers, and tried to clamp it on to the elastic bit to hold it in place. But then the same thing started happening on my left leg. Aaaaaagh! So now I had both hands on my thighs - and was pracing around on the dance floor like some second rate gun-slinger ready to draw.
`I just need to go to the loo,' I shouted over the music to Daniel.
I thought if I could make it to the girls' toilets, at least I could dump the stupid hold ups and enjoy the rest of the party.
But, as I turned to walk away, Daniel said, `Oh I love this one. Just hang on till the end of this record.'
And he grabbed my hands to pull me back.
Oh no! There I was in the middle of the hall, with my hold ups wrinkled round my ankles like some sad Nora Batty look-alike with everyone laughing at me. How embarrassing is that?

I hate Daniel!

My best friend and I hate her!

I am never speaking to Seema again!

She tries to be all mature and prentends that she's sooooooo cool and sophisticated but really she just wriggles out of things and dumps the blame like the rest of the low life in this school.

When I confronted her at lunchtime, she was all, `I did not tell Janet Dibner that you were a total loser in the boyfriend stakes! I simply said that she might be better off speaking to someone who had actual experience of being cheated on. She was the one who decided to ring you.'
See what I mean? Blaming poor Janet, after everything she's been through lately.
I was furious. `Why would she do that if you hadn't put the idea in her head in the first place?'
`Errr..... think about it, Madge! Your track record doesn't exactly qualify you for Relationship Guru of the Year, does it?'
What! And she thinks that's how best friends treat each other? `I just hope you've got an oxygen cylinder,' I snapped.
`Meaning?'
`Meaning; perched up there on your high horse, I'm surprised you don't need breathing apparatus!'
`Oh, you're so childish, Magenta.'

Me childish? Ha! `Mi-mi mi-mi mi-mi mi-mi,' I said, then turned to Arlette. `Come on, Arl. Let's go and get some lunch.'

But then Arlette did the dirty on me too. `Sorry, Madge, but Seema and I have already arranged to go to the library at lunchtime.'

What a traitor!

I was just about to go into the dining hall on my own, when Janet Dibner came round the corner. Uh oh! I needed to make a hasty exit, but I was too late.
`Hi, Magenta. Thanks for your advice at the weekend. D'you want to sit together for lunch?'

Aaaaagggh! Speaking to Janet on the phone is one thing, but sitting with her for lunch is total social suicide.
`Sorry, Janet, but I've arranged to go to the library with Seema and Arlette.' I did a swift one eighty. `Hey, Arl, Seema - wait up....'