Trampoline trauma

Did I choose PE as one of my options? No!
Did I ever show any interest in PE? No!
So why am I STILL expected to do it?

The Rhino (aka Miss Crumm, our rhinoceros of a PE teacher) announced that it was too cold to go outside (which must be a first since I've been at our school, but I wasn't arguing) and we were all `Yay! Let's play hangman, like we used to in Year 7! Hangman! Hangman!' Hangman!' But the great grey mass decreed that we would double up with the boys in the gym instead!

Now, although that sounds like a cool idea - have you ever seen our school's PE knickers? I mean gross isn't the word - even my gran doesn't wear things that big. They look like something you'd wrap a baby elephant in - and some! At least when we go outside we can wear tracksuits so that the boys can't see us in our belly-warmers. Actually, they're not even belly-warmers - they're more like boob-to-knee-warmers!

So the idea of going into the gym with the boys looking about as sexy as a sack of spuds was not my idea of fun. Even worse, we're timetabled with the Options group E, which includes: Daniel, Magnus, Spud - and Tyrone Pearman! Could my day get any worse?

Well, yes, actually, it could! Because when Mr Snowdon was demonstrating the front drop on the trampoline, Spud was getting very excited at the prospect of spotting for me - so excited, in fact, that he almost completely destroyed the padding round the end where he was standing. He'd managed to pick off half the vinyl and a significant part of the foam too so that all the springs were showing.

Anyway, it was my turn and, I must admit, I wasn't a hundred per cent on board with the whole front drop thing. It looked a bit painful if you asked me, but I thought working with Mr Snowdon was a gazillion times better than doing badminton with the Rhino. So, there I was, going amazingly high. In fact, I could see where the shuttlecock had got lodged in the light fitting, I was so high. Then I did just what Mr Snowdon had said; I put my hands in front of my boobs with my elbows out to the side and lifted my legs.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy - I don't know what I'd been so worried about. Until...
`Tyrone Pearman! Get down from there!' the Rhino boomed.

I looked over to see that Tyrone had climbed up the wall bars and was standing astride the top one, preparing to leap across to the ropes. Wow - he looked so gorgeous and manly - like something out of Pirates of the Carribean. But then - wwwwaaaaaagh! I lost my balance and, instead of landing on my tummy, I landed on my knees (which really hurt without a tracksuit or anything with legs in them to offer protection) then went flying forwards.

Spud was all; `Oh yes, come to me, my darling Magenta.'

As if! My legs went up in the air and I put my arms out to stop myself landing on top of Spud, but I misjudged it and somehow both my arms AND MY HEAD ended up wedged through the springs of the trampoline. And even worse - my bum was left sticking up in the air with my stupid big knickers on show for half the year group to gawp at.

Mortified doesn't even come close!