Dosey Doh!

Why me? That's what I want to know. Why, out of all the places Jordan Lee could have taken me last Saturday (bowling, pictures, concert, pizza, skating - to name but a few), did he choose -

A VILLAGE BARN DANCE????????!!!!!

Yes, you heard me correctly. A barn dance! There wasn't a single other person there who was under about fifty - apart from Jordan's younger sister, who's eleven going on three - and you should have seen what they were wearing. It was like a scene from some ancient Western hoedown with everyone in checked shirts and old fashioned jeans that were higher than Simon Cowell's. Even the wrinkly old women were in denim - which is sooooooooooooo not the way to grow old gracefully.

And this geriatric on a squeeze box was calling out all these things like, `swing your partner to the left' and `dosey doe' and `strip the willow' (if I'd been Willow, I'd have been out the door at that point!) What a nightmare! I was never any good when we did Country Dancing at Primary School, and it was clear from the first figure of eight that I hadn't improved. Of course it all went predictably wrong when I went pivoting off like some out of control sputnik and crashed into Jordan's dad, who ricocheted into some old biddy in Gwen Steffani boots and there was a multiple pile up in the middle of the Gay Gordons! But at least they cancelled the rest of the dancing - phew! Although one or two people started giving me the evils about it - I mean, honestly, how was I to know the Gwen Steffani wannabe had brittle bones?

Even the food was things like sausage rolls and disgusting wobbly quiches - gross. But the saddest thing for me (apart from the fact that Jordan knew ALL the steps to EVERY dance) was that in the heat of the village hall, with his aversion to artificial deodorants, and all that gyrating and reeling and threading the needle - well, you can imagine that any hope I might have had of a snog at the end of the evening was a total non-starter. Getting up close and personal was NOT an option. I think Arlette might have been right about his personal hygiene issues.

Anyway, I've been avoiding him all week but.... oh no! He's coming into the library now. Help! Need to get off the computer and find a book shelf to hide behind - quick!