Holiday hell

What is the worst thing about having a baby sister? Hmmmm - let me see, could it be:

a) the sleepless nights because she's teething? or

b) the permanent smell of eau de vomit on my clothes? or

c) the digustingly gross nappy bucket that my super eco-friendly stepmother keeps her enviromentally politically correct towelling nappies in - IN THE KITCHEN!!!!! Eeeewww! or

d) the fact that my dad has a better social life than I do because he has a resident baby-sitter (i.e. Me!) so I never go out and never see anyone and we can't even go away on holiday because Belinda's still on maternity leave and Dad's business isn't doing very well and babies cost sooooooooo much - durr - have they forgotten they've got TWO daughters and teenagers cost money too. But do I get a look in? Ohhh, no! And how am I ever going to find another boyfriend when I can never go out because I'm always looking after Indigo and smelling of sick?

Life is so unfair!

Of course Daniel and his mum and stepdad went away to Portugal for two weeks. They came back the day before yesterday and he looks like he's been veneered in mahogany. Honestly - doesn't he know that he'll end up looking like a prune with skin cancer by the time he's twenty if he gets as brown as that.

Arlette was all: `Oooooo, Daniel, you've got a gorgeous tan.'

And Mr Slime said: `Thanks, Arlette. I tan really easily - even though I was slapping the factor 20 on like emulsion paint.' (To really hear what he sounded like you should read that bit in a stupid high pitched voice like a soprano mosquito.)

But of course Arl fell for his silver tongued smarm. She's so gullible.

Then to make things worse, I was just walking Indigo to the park (Belinda needed an afternoon nap - doesn't she think I might need some time off too?) when who should I see on the tennis courts but Daniel, Magnus Lyle, Carly Meekin - and Kara Kennedy (the psycho sports-bitch from hell who did her best to ruin my relationship with Daniel last year) playing mixed doubles together!!!!! Can you believe it? And no guesses for who was partnering Dan Dan Tanfastic-man. Well, she's welcome to him. I am so over him he's just a grain of sand on the desert of my memory.

Hold on a sec.... that sounds like my memory's a desert: barren and devoid of life. No, no, no - that's not what I meant. What I meant was.... oh, never mind. Who cares anyway? I am destined to be a lonely, boyfriendless old maid for ever.

Ooooooo, wait a minute. That boy standing by the tea room looks a bit gorge. Maybe I should do my caring big sis act and get Indigo an ice cream.

Oh great! She's just puked all down me!! So, home it is then. I was so much better off as an only child.