Malteser Squeezer

TGIF - big time.

OK - the worst thing about being in Year 10 is the humungous amount of exams we have to do, but on the other hand, we get STUDY LEAVE! (Aka - time off school) YAY!

And this afternoon's exam was Geography which, thank God, I don't do. (I wouldn't know my Med from my Menai.) So, I was all set for an early weekend when Spud ran up to me and handed me a box of Maltesers. Great, I thought. I know Spud's a bit of a nerd and he's had this crush on me for, like, forever but he can be quite sweet - except when he tells people I'm his girlfriend. Ok, Ok, I know I've ventured down that path once (yeah, once too often) but I'm thinking everyone's allowed the occasional mistake, right? Anyway, to get back to this lunchtime.

`Ooooo,' I said. `For me? How kind.'

`I thought you deserved them after a whole week of exams.' Spud was standing there grinning and leaning his cheek towards me like he wanted me to give him a kiss, but I'm thinking: acne alert! No way!

`Cheers, Spud. That's really sweet of you,' I said, moving swiftly on. I opened up the box and was busy handing them round my friends (you see, generosity is another of my good qualities) when this foghorn boomed out from behind me.

It was my old foe and adversary, Mrs Blobby. `Magenta Orange! No eating in the corridors!'

Which is another stupid rule this school has. Honestly! The only place you're supposed to eat is in the canteen. How ridiculous is that? I mean they'll be the first to get worried if they end up with a school full of anorexics because we're not allowed to nibble when we're hungry. `You know the drill Magenta,' she yelled. `Bring them here.'

Brilliant - now my present was going to be confiscated and I'd only had two myself. Life is so unfair sometimes. But just as she stepped forward to grab them, Billy O'Dowd (the career criminal of our tutor group) ran past me and knocked my arm. Running is banned in the corridors too, but did she yell at him - I don't think so! They always go for the soft targets. Plus, she was probably going to eat my Maltesers but she could hardly eat Billy O'Dowd, could she?

Anyway, my box of Maltesers went flying up in the air and then splattered down again like a chocolate rainstorm. Spud was picking them up, then rubbing them on his jumper and putting them back in the box - eeeewww!

`Fetch a broom!' she bellowed. Then the Great Pink Blob lurched forward ( I think she was trying to stop people crunching them into the floor of the corridor) but her foot slipped on the Maltesers and skidded forwards.

There was this windmill-like flailing of arms and a wail like an injured walrus as one of her legs shot forwards and the other went sideways. Then, with a momentary flash of lurid pink underwear (ugh - gross!) both legs went up in the air and she did a cartoon-type crash onto her back. It felt like an earthquake and at first I thought she was dead. The whole corridor went silent. Then:

`MAGENTAAAAAAAAAAAA!'

Ooops!

So, instead of having an afternoon off, I'm sitting in her office (supposedly) writing an essay on `The Dangers of Eating in School.'

Life sucks!